i found this article in an older momsense magazine (the magazine for MOPS). i had planned to share it earlier but forgot... i found it again while i was cleaning (go figure!) and thought that this is as good of a time as any to share it. it really spoke to me, so enjoy!
Finding 'Me' in the Mothering Adventure + Don't Turn the Heat Off Your PassionLetting go of who you were to become who you are.by Beth K. Vogt As a mom of preschoolers, I often felt as though I'd experienced identity theft.
While nursing my newborn or helping my preschoolers conquer the twisty slide at the park, I wondered, What happened to me? Where did I go in the midst of all this mommy madness?
There were days—weeks, months—when I fought how my life changed after I'd left the delivery room. This wasn't the life I dreamed of in college: an exhausted mother of three kiddos whose pleasure reading was limited to the back of cereal boxes.
I needed to remember the breathing exercises I practiced oh-so-diligently in childbirth classes: Breathe in. Breathe out. Deep cleansing breath. Relax.
I had to let go and embrace the reality that motherhood is a life-altering adventure. Becoming a mom changed me. The challenge? To discover the new "me" that now included the label "Mom."
Pericles, an ancient Greek statesman, understood the wisdom of accepting change: "Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
During my early mothering years, I had to give up some of my rigid expectations, timelines and dreams (but not all of them—I'll get to that later). As this process refined me, I began to see myself in a different light.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To everything there is a season." Stay-at-home mom, single mom, working mom: No matter what other adjectives describe your life, you are a mom. There will be days when you feel as though you've lost yourself among your children's demands. Sick kids. Sibling squabbles. Sometimes all you can do is to be content with who you are—and where you are—now.
When I first became a mom, I had to relinquish some of the things I valued. My stretch-mark free body. My "I've got it all handled" schedule. My professional identity as an editorial assistant. My expectations—both big and small. Life was no longer all about me. How could it be? Within six short years, I was surrounded by three preschoolers who had their own needs. Their own expectations. Their own identities.
Yes, there were days I looked in the mirror and wondered, Who is that woman—and why doesn't she fix her hair? Life was all about trying to soothe a fussy baby who couldn't tell me what hurt where. I had to learn how to endure—I mean, enjoy, a slow walk to the park while my preschoolers looked at every stick, rock, flower and ant along the way.
I ignored my dream of writing magazine articles and focused instead on being the mom my children needed. Most days, their need for cuddles and stories and discipline trumped my longing for me-time, be that "all by myself" time or "I need to talk to another adult" time.
Sometimes all I could think about was what I had given up: my job, my independence. My days were no longer my own. I couldn't just get up and go when and where I wanted to—not with small children who needed naps and schedules and play dates.
Life with preschoolers is so up-close and personal. And God used all that intimate togetherness to rub off my rough spots. To refine me. To reveal my weaknesses and my strengths.
I found "me" in the mothering adventure by:
- Accepting my identity was forever changed by my children's births. I even discovered some new passions, such as teaching women's Bible studies—and eventually training other women to teach.
- Facing the heartbreaking truth I had an anger problem. My children were the reason I sought counseling, prayed for healing and found the strength to overcome my anger.
- Learning it's OK to cry when life is tough—and sometimes it's better to laugh. What are you going to do when your kindergartner treats a handcrafted gingerbread house like a mid-morning snack?
- Discovering I'm stronger than I ever imagined. I persevered through times when I wanted to resign from motherhood—facing off with strong-willed toddlers who thought "no" meant "I dare you," and surviving childhood illnesses that put our house into quarantine for weeks at a time.
Back then I couldn't perceive who I was becoming. But now I see through the crystal-clear lens of 25 years of mommy experience.
I am who I am today—because I'm a mom.
Yes, in ways both big and small, I surrendered parts of myself while my children were growing up. I had to let go of my innate selfishness. My ego. My ambition—at least some of it. What I didn't realize is that God also used my children to help me find myself.
Can you be somebody without being a mom? Sure. But that's not the question. The question is: Can you be somebody and be a mom?
Yes. It just may be someone you never expected to be.
When I finally took the time to renew my passion for writing, I realized how motherhood had transformed me. I had a wealth of story ideas, thanks to my three older children and my surprise "caboose baby" who was born when I was 41. Becoming a mom made me a better writer and editor. I focused on my long-delayed desire. I multitasked in ways I'd never before imagined. And I was much more efficient with my time—because I had to be!
It's true you'll have to postpone some of your dreams, some of your wants when you become a mom. But this doesn't mean you've lost yourself in these preschool years.
Stop for just a moment. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Let God use this time in your life to help you become someone—the you he wants you to be.
recently i have been praying for God to send us more money. after praying that for a while and nothing really happening, i started changing my prayer. my prayer now is that we will find ways to spend less. i figured if we weren't going to make any more money, we could figure out how to spend less!
